You're all always welcome to email me at ivegotthetravelbug2011@hotmail.com with any questions you may have but I figure sharing it on here will also help others. I tell it like it is with no judgement. I'll say the stuff you may not want to hear but need to.
I've been where you are... I've had my fair share of doubt... I do this because I wish I had someone I could ask questions at the very beginning... You're definately not the only one feeling this way... Looking forward to having this as a safe space to share experiences and opinions and wishing you all a life of happiness, love, security and contentment <3
Lots of Love,
ivegotthetravelbug2011
Are you's still together?
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah Diver, No we are not. I wish him good things and don't hate him... It was the end of our journey... I couldn't keep losing myself to keep things going... I couldn't stand us losing ourselves and withering away in the comfort of our misery... I've always said it's not for the faint hearted... the culture difference is very very real. There are very very few Fijian and intercultural relationships where I have personally seen that have not ended with heartbreak, infidelity, alcoholism, drug use or motivated by visa intentions... Etc. I even know a girl from Oz who married a Fijian and only within their first few months of marriage she blatantly said that she wished she'd never married a Fijian. I know she has read my blog before and if she's reading this she can rest assured that I won't be repeating this for anyone to know who she is... I only hope she has respected me enough not to let people know this is my blog... It was always intended for letting people know how to go about an experience like this and also for my own expression... Another girl I know has fallen preggers to a guy that just wants a visa and has said it to his Fijian friends who 'don't interfere'... But we know she knows... Now they're tied forever with a child. The truth is, for me it was wall upon wall of emotional boundaries and lack of communication that did it. It's normal in the Fijian culture. This is where our issues stemmed... They're taught to be silent and rather than discussing and resolving issues. They are taught to suppress... Then this leads to all the playing up to cope with suppressed emotions... It's a sad thing to watch unfold... I'm not saying this is everyone but from what I've seen, it's the majority. Ask yourselves, are you willing to risk the rest of your life for the minimal chance that you're the exception? I spent almost 4 years waiting to know... Hoping for the best, planning for the future yet that little tug pulling me back and not letting me dare to move and inch forward was still there... Trust your gut - be true to yourself, don't ignore those little messages... and you'll make the choices that are right for you.
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ReplyDeleteO my goodness
ReplyDeleteWish I had seen this prior to entering a relationship with a fijian man.
I am an ozzie mature lady and I had never been treated so badly.
All above is so true.
8 months later and I had to break it off for my own sanity.
I met the most wonderful man
ReplyDeleteFell head over heels in love
Lent him money got his career going again
And then found out the horrible truth
He had a wife in Fiji - seperated apparently!!
He had a partner who helped him get a visa in oz!!! Apparently doesnt love her but has to still be with her on paper
Then along comes gullible me
Would have put up with all above be suse I believed him
Then he never had time to see me always doing Kava or working or going to church.
I always allowed freedom - accepted the other woman - that he was no longer with them.
But the Emotional distance was too much.
When physically together it was magical.
In the end I knew I was just a mistress but it took 8 months to realise and about $6000k
Hurt so much!!!!
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ReplyDeleteI am fijian myself and i dont disagree with any of these comment one bit it is true, but not all of us are the same but i can tell u this, the ones u gotta look out for are the ones that have still got the accents, i have two uncles that came over here that has a wife in fiji and now have gf over here and its sad to see their posts on facbook with another woman knowing that they have a wife in another country.
ReplyDeleteBut then i have fijian mates that have been here for as long as iv been in oz that dont do that and have an ozzie gf and still going strong
Hello.
ReplyDeleteI was recently in a relationship with my first Fijian man. He was a rugby player and we were only together afew months. He moved in pretty much stright away as I said he might as well stay coz he was over everynight for the first few weeks. He said he loved me with in 2 weeks. However he would go out everyweekend. And when he was at home he would eat and then go on his phone most the time. Every time we got into an argument he would walk away and stay at his friends for the night. He didn't like interacting with my children but sort of did towards the end. He was paying for food after weekly after spending a large amount at the start however when I ask for rent he said he would rather move out. When I asked what he loved about me he couldn't tell me. He denied me hugs when I asked and only ever juges me with one hand. He use to message me all the time at the start but that soon died off with no communication and when I would confront him he would get annoyed. His line was your not the boss of me and I'm not the boss of you. I said all within respect. I kicked him out afew times coz I felt something wasn't right however I fell deeply for him even when all he brought me was anxiety and depression in the end. When I asked for quailty Time he stayed out till 10 till 12 everynight for 3 weeks or even the night till the next night. I was so heart broken and can't help to think that I ruined it from kicking him out all the time or not being approachable due to studies but I tryed to get it done to spend time with him. He did stay home with me at the start and his friends would complain he had changed. He forgave me for things and moved on where as I wanted to talk about it to move foward. He let me say hi to his sister and his friend on Skype and have me tickets to his games. I'm just wondering where I went wrong because I really loved him.
I’d have to agree with all these comments. And issue a big DONT DO IT!!!
ReplyDeleteI read this blog early on in my relationship and thought ‘my man isn’t like this.’ Oh yes he was. I’m also in FB groups of sponsors of spousal visa applicants, and they’re all experiencing the same things.
DONT DO IT!
The cultural differences are too much if they’re fresh off the boat. There is no concept in their lives of how relationships work outside Fiji. Trust. Accountability. Care. Responsibility. Communication. It’s just not the same, and too lacking to be able to overcome.
Prepare yourself for parenting your Fijian partner, for having to raise him as he adjusts to his new life in Australia. Be prepared for a total lack of honesty and transparency. Their culture simply does not place importance on the things our does.
I live with my husband in his village for three years before I brought him to Australia. The issues weren’t apparent in the village because life is simple there, there’s nothing to worry about.
DONT DO IT. DO NOT DO IT.