So it's been 2 and a half years in this Fijian Man / Australian Woman relationship and what a ride it's been!
My Fijian man has lived here in Oz for a year and a few months now and is adapting well.
He started off working a few days a week here and there and now he works 5-6 days and is studying part-time. Busy life!!
We've tackled many things far and wide from cultural differences, relationship matters, alcohol, role expectations and emotional, physical and intellectual topics too. Here's my update for you all in cyber world :)
1. Work
To start with, my man wasn't doing much and just relaxing the days away. A few months down the track I needed to fibs him a job as he had no established connections here in Australia. After referring him to a friend, he was always reliable and hard working. I never had any issues on that front which is great :) he found a better position offered through the rugby club he plays for and it's been great since.
2. Study
My man always brought up a particular profession when we would talk in Fiji. It was like a dream for him to establish this profession so when the opportunity arose to apply we did. There were only a hand picked few who were selected from a large group and he was lucky enough to be selected. I had a chat to the teachers after his interview too and his references were excellent!! So proud of him! He does struggle a little as he didn't complete high school however we're organising tutoring to tackle it.
The one thing with Fijian men is that you need to organise it all for them. This is absolutely one of the most frustrating things I've found!! It's inderstandable that they don't know how to do certain things busy I'm working on getting him to step up more.
Another thing to note that it's realllly important to give strong encourage my to your mam when things get rough on the study front. Nothing good comes easy right...
3. Cultural Differences
My man and I have really had to change our lifestyles to make our relationship a successful one and believe me it takes work!
To start with, the Australian lifestyle is extremely fast paced compared to Fijian lifestyle. Back home he had enough free time to train for rugby twice a day! He is such a hard worker and has great work ethic he's built great relationships with his employers and I'm so blessed to have a man working this hard for our future together :)
For me, I had to change by being responsible for another person who doesn't really know how things work over here. Basic things like credit cards, online banking, how to book a flight, restaurant, wedding and social etiquette and dress etc. needed to be taught. Believe me it's harder than it sounds! Having to tell him the process leading up to your occasions, anniversaries, birthdays, etc isn't a piece if cake ;) there occasions were differently celebrated in Fiji compared to here. Buying gifts, etc.
Another major cultural difference is that in Fiji the man would work and the woman would attend to domestic duties. Here in Australia, women work 40hr weeks just the same as men, so home duties need to be split to make things fair and each contribute.
Luckily, my man is fine with this :) but, it took time and some persistence. My man would resist change for about a week but then he's fine with it :) I cook, he cleans (with a little encouragement). He does the laundry, I do the finances. He does the floors, i do the bathroom.
4. Relationship Matters
Again this has to do with culture. Fijians men are not men of many words. They have a masculine face to keep and don't let it down often. Emotional support is one of the hardest things to tackle with a Fijian man. So much so that we're still working on it. My man also doesn't really like to kiss too much just for the sake if it. I find this really offensive to be honest. Not sure if this happens with other Fijian men but we're still working through it.
Physically, he holds my hand, gives me pecks and were generally always close by to each other with a hand I'm leg when sitting, etc. physical intimacy is a big one for me.
Social interaction is fine with friends he's made however he lacks a little self awareness and interrupts from time to time. Other than that, my man is liked by all he meets which us great :) one thing to note, people can be cruel... I remember telling a friend that I had gotten together with a Fijian and the response I got was not a positive one. Basically it questioned out intellectually compatibility. Please tell ignorant people such as this not to confuse intellectual ability with a language barrier... Annoying!!
My Fijian is also introvert but is a joker once you get through the outer shell ;)
5. Alcohol... One of the biggest if all...
My man doesn't drink often at all... About once every 6-8 weeks. The problem is that when he does, he doesn't know when to stop. He never gets violent or abusive with me and it's more a matter of getting him home safe and hating the influence it had over him as he has periods where he can't remember things the next day. Binge drinking to it'd limits. We see still working on thus issue and he is aware this isn't acceptable to me... Will keep you all posted :)
I know it's difficult to trust and I'm still struggling myself and battling through my insecurities. Will hop to update this blog more often :)
Moce Mada
