I get emails from time to time asking how my situation with the mister is going.
He and I are still together and are excited to be going over to Fiji this year for Christmas but let me assure you, we've had our fair share of rocky points in our journey.
Here's a response I recently wrote to a woman who just came back from Fiji - paradise <3
I receive emails with these questions quite often and thought if post my response to give you some more info on here.
You're all always welcome to email me at ivegotthetravelbug2011@hotmail.com with any questions you may have. I tell it like it is with no judgement. I'll say the stuff you may not want to hear but need to.
I've been where you are... I've had my fair share of doubt... I do this because I wish I had someone I could ask questions at the very beginning... You're definately not the only one feeling this way... Wishing you all a life of happiness, love, security and contentment <3
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Email I recieved;
Hi ivegotthetravelbug2011,
I travel over to Fiji a fair bit, 4 times a year or so... made heaps of friends but find the Fijian women often tell me to not pursue a relationship with Fijian men. ..
(Please dont judge me too harshly)
My situation is that I'm currently married and have a child with my partner but I'm only staying in the relationship for my child. I feel my relationship with him is nearing it's end as neither of us are happy.
I've just returned from Fiji Thursday and spent time with a man there... (not physically, I don't believe in that) but I enjoyed his company ALOT. He knows I've got a husband and he was honorable in not trying to pursue me further after I told him I wouldn't cheat on my child's father.
Whilst over there I met his whole family and spent quailty time speaking with his mum and sister. We then sat around with the boys in the village drinking and laughing, as they do ;)
The man I met dropped me off at the airport and held my hand all the way there, kissed it and said 'I really love you...' He even hugged me in public and says he's making arrangements to get over to Australia. He never asked for money or even a sponsors letter from me - nothing at all and he just said he's going to get over shortly.
I will often make friends with the men when o go over there and feel they are just after something, but with this man I felt different. I just don't know whether is all just talk or if he's being genuine.
Currently my head is a total mess...
In your early days what was your thoughts and experiences?
Thanks,
-B
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My reply;
Hi B,
Hope you're well. I've taken some time to think about your situation and will be as detailed as much as I can.
I really think you should consider cutting off all contact with the Fijian man you met. It seems to me as though he has caught you out at a vulnerable moment and you have welcomed that sense of being loved and comforted.
With men in Fiji it is difficult to know what their true intentions are and unless you are able to be alone and love yourself, you will not feel deserving of love. Could it be that you are scared of being alone and that is why you are looking at jumping from your current relationship into the arms of another?
What do you really know about him?? You met him for such a short time and I really think you should take this into account before you throw away the relationship you have. Where you are might not be a good place but the person you're with committed to you and had a child with you. Reconsider his intentions as he has said the words 'I love you' way too soon and unfortunately most Fijian men that work at resorts have the same intention. Note that I said most not all.
I can just tell you from my experience... I met my partner while I was doing voluntary work in Fiji over a 5 month period. He was a friend of many of my friends who weren't Fijian so I knew he had never tried this with anyone else over a 2 year period before he met me. It took 2.5 months of he and I talking over the phone and building a friendship before he expressed his feelings for me. Once he did he said 'I love you' quite quickly which I found odd hearing only a week later but we had already built a foundation to our relationship so it was ok with me.
Being with a Fijian has it's fair share of challenges and is not for the faint hearted. 3 years on my partner and I have just agreed to start formal counselling to tackle the issue of communication. Even 3 years on and him moving to Oz with me, we still have not overcome this. It is in Fijian nature to withhold or not disclose information so as 'not to get into trouble'. We start our first session on Monday and have been though a lot together however still have strong feelings toward each other. It's extremely confusing at times but we are both committed.
Along with the issues of communication, alcholism is huge with Fijians and uncontrollable in most cases. Once they have one they can't stop. The fact that you did this with him may make you think it's a once off but I pretty much guarantee you, they do it every chance they get and I don't think that's a good thing for a child to be around on an ongoing basis. My partner who loves rugby more than you can imagine pretty much had to give up rugby because the influence to drink after a game was too great for him to handle. I'm a lucky woman as he doesn't drink daily, etc.
So to sum up;
1. Beware of his intentions. He caught you in a vulnerable moment and kissed you as well even though he knew you were with someone else
2. Issue of communication. Do you have it in you to trust someone who may withhold the truth from you due to cultural characteristics and if so, do you have the commitment to work through breaking the habit and work on a daily basis to keep the lines of communication open?
3. Alcholism. It is a VERY real issues that I guarantee you WILL have to deal with.
Let me know if you have any questions. I'm pretty straight forward but I'd rather tell you exactly what you're getting into than for you to wish you had some insight before you were already all in, feel stuck and can't get out because of any insecurities.
Wishing you all the best.
