We've made it 9 months in...

We're still going at nine months.

Its really been hard especially the distance...

We're organizing a tourist visa to for 3months because I need to know him more face to face. He's organizing funds for the visa and flight all on his own which is great! To date, haven't sent him a single dollar and he's keeping in contact through Skype as often as he can.

He's been really down lately and just not himself over the last few weeks though...

He went out drinking the other weekend and lost his phone. A very common thing that happens with Fijians so just a heads up, they don't hold their alcohol too well and don't have a sense of when to stop from what I've seen. Luckily I had some of his families numbers so I could get in touch with him.

It's starting to get rocky again to be honest but isn't that what happens in relationships?

Contact has picked up a lot since my last post. We message usually about 5 times a day each way. And Skype about 2 times a week for about an hour each time. Lately I've been calling him a few times a day because I found a cheap prepaid plan.

For all of u that are wondering, GT Mobile is really great to call Fiji from Australia! 16c a min and 29c flagfall! Cheapest I've found and u an order the sim card and recharge online.

Getting back to it... I spoke to him the day after his big night out and he sounded so depressed and started saying things like 'I have no life' and 'your too good for me'. Not sure why he would say that but he's been really down so I'm just trying to make sense of it all and figure out what's going on...

He said he really needs me during this time so I've been calling extra, checking in on him and just trying to keep him positive. I called his family members too and asked them to keep an eye out if he's really down for support. I'm worried about him...

Anyway, over the last few days the tone ive gotten from him has been short and not really wanting to talk for long after that initial conversation regardless of my expressing my care for him and letting him know im there for him and being as supportive as I can given there's an ocean between us.

Till tonight I didn't even think of unfaithfulness because most nights I speak with him he's at work or at home and we connect. Today he hasnt really wanted to talk. Called about 3 times for about 2mins each because we just wouldn't be talking then he'd ask if I could call back later which is fair enough.

Tonight though... I called and he was at a pool hall I think but he said somthing else... Anyway what he said didn't add up. When I called to say goodnight I asked if he was at work or at home and he just paused... Then he said he was sleeping at a friends place... We just both paused and in the brief silence there was tension. He softened his words from the last few days shortness and asked me to call him in the morning... There was no 'goodnight' or 'i love you' that we usually say at the end of our conversations then it hit me... I felt like he was cheating on me then and there...

He said he wants to Skype with me tomorrow but he can't because he has no money. I think for the first time ever he's hinting at me to send some but I'm worried he might just go buy alcohol with it given his state of mind at the moment...

I'm really confused and leaning towards not continuing with the relationship. But then i tell myself That im commited and need to stick By him through tough times too...

He's seeming a emotionally unstable and won't talk much about it do I understand what he's going through... I'm worried that when and if he still comes to Aus what will happen... He's strong. I'm scared that if he's unstable and there's issues I don't know about that I'll be stuck in a big mess without having anyway out...

In saying that, I love him and want to help him through this. I want this to work but I don't know much about how I can help him or do more than I am.

As the for the unfaithfulness, I don't even know if it's there or not and probably never will... Do I trust my instincts or am I over thinking this?

I'm uncertain if the relationship will be even in the giving and taking...

I need a little food for thought. Let me know what you all think.

Vinanka