I've got a Question...

Here is a space for you all to ask questions you might have about getting involved with a Fijian man. I speak from my own experience over the past 3 years and am happy to help answer the questions you have. 

You're all always welcome to email me at ivegotthetravelbug2011@hotmail.com with any questions you may have but I figure sharing it on here will also help others. I tell it like it is with no judgement. I'll say the stuff you may not want to hear but need to.

I've been where you are... I've had my fair share of doubt... I do this because I wish I had someone I could ask questions at the very beginning... You're definately not the only one feeling this way... Looking forward to having this as a safe space to share experiences and opinions and wishing you all a life of happiness, love, security and contentment <3

Lots of Love,

ivegotthetravelbug2011

Response to common questions

I get emails from time to time asking how my situation with the mister is going.

He and I are still together and are excited to be going over to Fiji this year for Christmas but let me assure you, we've had our fair share of rocky points in our journey. 

Here's a response I recently wrote to a woman who just came back from Fiji - paradise <3

I receive emails with these questions quite often and thought if post my response to give you some more info on here. 

You're all always welcome to email me at ivegotthetravelbug2011@hotmail.com with any questions you may have. I tell it like it is with no judgement. I'll say the stuff you may not want to hear but need to.

I've been where you are... I've had my fair share of doubt... I do this because I wish I had someone I could ask questions at the very beginning... You're definately not the only one feeling this way... Wishing you all a life of happiness, love, security and contentment <3

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Email I recieved;

Hi ivegotthetravelbug2011,

I travel over to Fiji a fair bit, 4 times a year or so... made heaps of friends but find the Fijian women often tell me to not pursue a relationship with Fijian men. ..

(Please dont judge me too harshly) 
My situation is that I'm currently married and have a child with my partner but I'm only staying in the relationship for my child. I feel my relationship with him is nearing it's end as neither of us are happy.

I've just returned from Fiji Thursday and spent time with a man there... (not physically,  I don't believe in that) but I enjoyed his company ALOT. He knows I've got a husband and he was honorable in not trying to pursue me further after I told him I wouldn't cheat on my child's father. 

Whilst over there I met his whole family and spent quailty time speaking with his mum and sister. We then sat around with the boys in the village drinking and laughing, as they do ;)

The man I met dropped me off at the airport and held my hand all the way there, kissed it and said 'I really love you...' He even hugged me in public and says he's making arrangements to get over to Australia. He never asked for money or even a sponsors letter from me - nothing at all and he just said he's going to get over shortly.

I will often make friends with the men when o go over there and feel they are just after something, but with this man I felt different. I just don't know whether is all just talk or if he's being genuine.

Currently my head is a total mess...

In your early days what was your thoughts and experiences?

Thanks,

-B

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My reply;

Hi B,

Hope you're well. I've taken some time to think about your situation and will be as detailed as much as I can. 

I really think you should consider cutting off all contact with the Fijian man you met. It seems to me as though he has caught you out at a vulnerable moment and you have welcomed that sense of being loved and comforted. 

With men in Fiji it is difficult to know what their true intentions are and unless you are able to be alone and love yourself, you will not feel deserving of love. Could it be that you are scared of being alone and that is why you are looking at jumping from your current relationship into the arms of another?

What do you really know about him??  You met him for such a short time and I really think you should take this into account before you throw away the relationship you have. Where you are might not be a good place but the person you're with committed to you and had a child with you. Reconsider his intentions as he has said the words 'I love you' way too soon and unfortunately most Fijian men that work at resorts have the same intention. Note that I said most not all.

I can just tell you from my experience... I met my partner while I was doing voluntary work in Fiji over a 5 month period. He was a friend of many of my friends who weren't Fijian so I knew he had never tried this with anyone else over a 2 year period before he met me. It took 2.5 months of he and I talking over the phone and building a friendship before he expressed his feelings for me. Once he did he said 'I love you' quite quickly which I found odd hearing only a week later but we had already built a foundation to our relationship so it was ok with me. 

Being with a Fijian has it's fair share of challenges and is not for the faint hearted. 3 years on my partner and I have just agreed to start formal counselling to tackle the issue of communication. Even 3 years on and him moving to Oz with me, we still have not overcome this. It is in Fijian nature to withhold or not disclose information so as 'not to get into trouble'. We start our first session on Monday and have been though a lot together however still have strong feelings toward each other. It's extremely confusing at times but we are both committed. 

Along with the issues of communication, alcholism is huge with Fijians and uncontrollable in most cases. Once they have one they can't stop. The fact that you did this with him may make you think it's a once off but I pretty much guarantee you, they do it every chance they get and I don't think that's a good thing for a child to be around on an ongoing basis. My partner who loves rugby more than you can imagine pretty much had to give up rugby because the influence to drink after a game was too great for him to handle. I'm a lucky woman as he doesn't drink daily, etc. 

So to sum up;

1. Beware of his intentions. He caught you in a vulnerable moment and kissed you as well even though he knew you were with someone else

2.  Issue of communication. Do you have it in you to trust someone who may withhold the truth from you due to cultural characteristics and if so, do you have the commitment to work through breaking the habit and work on a daily basis to keep the lines of communication open?

3. Alcholism. It is a VERY real issues that I guarantee you WILL have to deal with. 

Let me know if you have any questions. I'm pretty straight forward but I'd rather tell you exactly what you're getting into than for you to wish you had some insight before you were already all in, feel stuck and can't get out because of any insecurities. 

Wishing you all the best.  

ivegotthetravelbug2011

How Fijian Men Express Love & How We Aussie Women Expect Love

One thing I always used to get frustrated about was trying to get my man to express himself... It has been a long journey from questioning my own insecurity to gaining a mutual understanding on how to express love, frustration and affection with my man and have him do the same.

Again, this is on a case by case basis but I'm hoping I can give some insight from a cultural perspective on how Fijian culture impacts the way they express love in a way we Aussie girls can understand. 

1. Chemistry is a really big part of any long term relationship so make sure it's there and you work at keeping 'the spark' :)

When I first met my wonderful man, we would chat for a little while here and there then those few minutes increased to an hour, then a few hours, then we would try and hide our yawns to stay on the phone... And before you knew it, we would be on the phone all night!!

As you can see, that spark was there at the beginning as it should be with any relationship, same culture or cross cultured. The way we expressed our interest in each other worked for us and could be felt.

2. Understand the way your partner thinks. 

As we got deeper into the relationship before my man came over here, the way he needed to show me love and keep our relationship alive was by putting things into action. It took him quite a while but one thing I learnt about him that he still says till today is when he really wants to do something he'll get up and do it but if he waits too long his motivation becomes non existent. This doesn't mean he doesn't love me, it simply means he needs some motivation when his runs out.

3. Understand his love languages and help him to understand yours. 

Boy this one is such a simple thing to understand but man it can be a long process... The most expression of emotion I had seen from my man is when he listens to old classic love songs!! Yep! How would've thought!! Lol!! Moving on... Another thing he's passionate about is rugby! So why isn't he showing that passion for me? A thought that crissed my mind many many times!

One thing to understand with your Fijian man ( or any man really) is that he's understood that working hard is the way to show care for lived ones. Think about Fijian life... there is usually only one provider in a full house of 7 or 8. To a Fijian man, to work hard farming casava or Taro to put food on the table or to farm to sell it is to give you the things you need for life. In return to a Fijian man, to do all things at home is the woman's role and in turn that's how she shows love for a man. 

Think back to when things were primitive, the man is the hunter and the woman is the gatherer.

Living in Australia my man had to realise that he wasn't the only worker in the house and that things here were 50/50. We were here to support each other and build a life TOGETHER with equal responsibility. When he works here in Australia he had to realise that he wasn't working to support me, but to support himself as well as our future together.

His idea of 'I love you therefore I work hard. Period.' wasn't being understood by me as love. Instead, I felt like there was no love because I had to think about working a full time job myself, cooking dinners, cleaning the house, preparing our lunches, shopping for groceries, budgeting and finances, and maintaining my physical appearance. 

As you can see it didn't start off very balanced so I needed to communicate that I needed him to share the responsibility with me. I gave him some time to adjust to the Aussie culture and living here and when giving him new responsibilities I had to show him how things were done but at the same time, I had to let him make some mistakes to learn from and take responsibility for his actions (or lack of) otherwise he'd still be relying on me to do everything.

Please don't take that last point I made (in italics) lightly! You need to give him things to do himself without guiding him too much!! This is no easy task!! There will be resistance and with this and he will show he doesn't like it but no change comes easy. With my man, he would mope and be grumpy for a week then everything is fine and back to normal. Stick it out!

My love languages are fused between Acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. Google 'love languages' to see what you are.

For him to understand Acts of Service is a way of showing me love took time but then if we had a fight, I'd find he'd cook me dinner or empty the dishwasher or go get some groceries. He is a gem and I love him for working hard to understand me.

Words of Affirmation is one that's going ok but it's a tough on to crack! We're still on the journey and haven't quite got there yet. He says I love you a lot but  he's not one to express himself with words. This is a big one when we're having an argument or he's upset with me. If we're arguing he'll barely say a word and just say 'I don't know'. If he's upset with me, he won't try to say it, he'll just try to find a way to make me angry (not very healthy). But as you can see, it'd something that needs work. Be patient and don't give up on change. It takes hard work and time. Nothing good ever comes easy. You know he may never change to the way I want him to express himself but I can accept him for the person he is and I can also change to understand him and the way he expresses himself too.

Physical Touch is one that had its hurdles too. He had resistance to change because these acts in public we're not common in Fijian culture. Men and women dont even have dinner together in gatherings as the order of eating is children then men then women. He can even ask his own sister or cousin how their pregnancy is going because it's a thing only girls talk about.

So as you can see, what is acceptable in Fijian culture is very different to that here in Australia. 

For my man to get used to holding my hand when we walk together in public or putting his arm around me in public or for him to get used to a kiss hello and goodbye every time we saw each other was not and easy adjustment in Australia. 

In fiji there was almost no physical touch between us in public as we didn't let too many people know about our relationship till later down the track.

I remember one of our first dates was a trip to South Sea Island and on the boat rode there were no Fijians except crew. It was really funny seeing his expression when he put his arm around me. I didn't ask for him to do that but I could tell he was testing boundaries outside his own culture about public displays of affection.

Gifts is one that he understands well. It goes with his original concept of 'I work hard to provide because I love you' mostly it's on occasions and we go big on this when we can :)

His love languages are;

Acts of service - cooking. If I go a while without cooking he feels I actually don't love him so I know this is big for him. 

Physical Touch- little things like playing with his hair and just having my hand on him when we're watching tv. I always welcome him with a hug and a kiss.

Gifts - Gifts say 'I love you therefore I work hard to get you something you want' but also 'I was thinking if you' <3

Words of Affirmation - if I say I love him it means it's 100% true without doubt. We uses to ask each other 'do you really love me' because I think we couldn't believe how lucky we were and also because things wer so hard sometimes and we still wanted to be together. 

Hope my perspective has shed some light on any questions you have. Till next time!

Moce Mada :)

2.5years down the track - An update

Wow it's been a while since I last wrote..

So it's been 2 and a half years in this Fijian Man / Australian Woman relationship and what a ride it's been!

My Fijian man has lived here in Oz for a year and a few months now  and is adapting well.

He started off working a few days a week here and there and now he works 5-6 days and is studying part-time. Busy life!! 

We've tackled many things far and wide from cultural differences, relationship matters, alcohol, role expectations and emotional, physical and intellectual topics too. Here's my update for you all in cyber world :)

1. Work

To start with, my man wasn't doing much and just relaxing the days away. A few months down the track I needed to fibs him a job as he had no established connections here in Australia. After referring him to a friend, he was always reliable and hard working. I never had any issues on that front which is great :) he found a better position offered through the rugby club he plays for and it's been great since.

2. Study

My man always brought up a particular profession when we would talk in Fiji. It was like a dream for him to establish this profession so when the opportunity arose to apply we did. There were only a hand picked few who were selected from a large group and he was lucky enough to be selected. I had a chat to the teachers after his interview too and his references were excellent!! So proud of him! He does struggle a little as he didn't complete high school however we're organising tutoring to tackle it. 

The one thing with Fijian men is that you need to organise it all for them. This is absolutely one of the most frustrating things I've found!! It's inderstandable that they don't know how to do certain things busy I'm working on getting him to step up more.

Another thing to note that it's realllly important to give strong encourage my to your mam when things get rough on the study front. Nothing good comes easy right...

3. Cultural Differences

My man and I have really had to change our lifestyles to make our relationship a successful one and believe me it takes work!

To start with, the Australian lifestyle is extremely fast paced compared to Fijian lifestyle. Back home he had enough free time to train for rugby twice a day! He is such a hard worker and has great work ethic  he's built great relationships with his employers and I'm so blessed to have a man working this hard for our future together :)

For me, I had to change by being responsible for another person who doesn't really know how things work over here. Basic things like credit cards, online banking, how to book a flight, restaurant, wedding and social etiquette and dress etc. needed to be taught. Believe me it's harder than it sounds! Having to tell him the process leading up to your occasions, anniversaries, birthdays, etc isn't a piece if cake ;) there occasions were differently celebrated in Fiji compared to here. Buying gifts, etc. 

Another major cultural difference is that in Fiji the man would work and the woman would attend to domestic duties. Here in Australia, women work 40hr weeks just the same as men, so home duties need to be split to make things fair and each contribute.

Luckily, my man is fine with this :) but, it took time and some persistence. My man would resist change for about a week but then he's fine with it :) I cook, he cleans (with a little encouragement). He does the laundry, I do the finances. He does the floors, i do the bathroom. 

4. Relationship Matters

Again this has to do with culture. Fijians men are not men of many words. They have a masculine face to keep and don't let it down often. Emotional support is one of the hardest things to tackle with a Fijian man. So much so that we're still working on it. My man also doesn't really like to kiss too much just for the sake if it. I find this really offensive to be honest. Not sure if this happens with other Fijian men but we're still working through it. 

Physically, he holds my hand, gives me pecks and were generally always close by to each other with a hand I'm leg when sitting, etc. physical intimacy is a big one for me. 

Social interaction is fine with friends he's made however he lacks a little self awareness and interrupts from time to time. Other than that, my man is liked by all he meets which us great :) one thing to note, people can be cruel... I remember telling a friend that I had gotten together with a Fijian and the response I got was not a positive one. Basically it questioned out intellectually compatibility. Please tell ignorant people such as this not to confuse intellectual ability with a language barrier... Annoying!!

My Fijian is also introvert but is a joker once you get through the outer shell ;) 

5. Alcohol... One of the biggest if all...

My man doesn't drink often at all... About once every 6-8 weeks. The problem is that when he does, he doesn't know when to stop. He never gets violent or abusive with me and it's more a matter of getting him home safe and hating the influence it had over him as he has periods where he can't remember things the next day. Binge drinking to it'd limits. We see still working on thus issue and he is aware this isn't acceptable to me... Will keep you all posted :) 

I know it's difficult to trust and I'm still struggling myself and battling through my insecurities. Will hop to update this blog more often :)

Moce Mada

We've made it to a year! <3

Ok! So it's been a long journey! Well worth it and still a long way to go :)

He's coming to Oz! He saved up for all the visa costs, etc and we're waiting for approval! Can't believe he could be here any day now!

I've learnt as much as I can learn by phone communication but can't wait for him to get here so we can start the next chapter in our relationship. By the next chapter I mean living in the same city again. Hahaha!

I'm missing him heaps and can't wait to see him. Over the months I've learnt where to give in and when to be stubborn. I've tested his patience and he's tested mine. I know when he's up to something. If he's lying or telling the truth.

We almost broke up a few months ago because he wasn't putting in any action to match his words but things change and we're happy as ever (minus the distance).

Looking forward to the next few
Months :)

If any I you ladies contemplating on being with fijian men, post me a comment and I'll answer as best as I can about my experiences.

Getting into a long distance relationship with a Fijian man is no easy road.

- You WILL have your bouts of insecurity.
- You will feel lonely and spend an hour on the phone just to have the company (nobody fills the void better than the person that loves you).
- You will have suspicions about why he's with you because it's such a hard road.
- You will be mesmerized the second you decide you'll give the relationship a shot.
- You will need to overcome culture differences as well as the normal changes a relationship goes through.

I've heard a lot of stories about these types of relationships going wrong but for me, so far so good! This is looking positive! :)

Best of luck to you all and drop a comment if you have any Q's :)

Applying for his Visa :)

So we're as happy as can be!

We're planning apply for a tourist visa late next week and so excited to have the opportunity to know each other more. We're both becoming more focused and working on what he'll do while I'm at work and where he'll stay when he's here.

I think it's a good idea for him to stay close by but not actually at my place. We're still getting to
Know each other do it's good we each have our own space to breathe a little and think about our relationship when we're not together.

Looking forward to him picking me up for dates. We'll still cook dinner at mine and see each other in the mornings :) or that's at least what we hope will happen. We'll just have to wait and see.

For now I think I'm getting ahead of myself... We need to wait for visa approval but I'm confident that it'll go well.

He's been working at his current job in Fiji for 3years and has a great relationship with his boss. We have a place for him to say in Aus and all expenses covered. A bank statement that is hopefully more than sufficient thank God.

When I spoke with the Aust Embassy they said we needed a minimum of $1000 per month that the visitor will be in Australia. I've got a friend who's sponsoring him for me which is really nice.

I think all the bases are covered

Proof of intention to return to Fiji - Work tenure letter and payslip. Approval of leave.

Proof of having financial Support - Sponsor Letter and bank statement

Proof of being a genuine visitor - Invitation letter

I think all the bases are covered. Now it'll just be a point of submitting and waiting a week then the next chapter of our journey can finally begin :)

Good luck to all of you out there going through the heartache of long distance.

Till next time... :)

So it was all just in my head...

So since yesterdays post it seems everything i was thinking may have just been from my own insecurities and stress.

We had a good talk tonight and he assured me that he's fine and was just hungover from the weekend. Simple explanation.

He's soon to come to Oz so we can get to know each other better so It'll probably help me not to keep jumping to these conclusions ;-)

Posting on this blog for all you Aussie girls that are new to seeing a Fijian guy :) because I wish I had something recent to refer to when I first started dating my Fijian man. Best of luck to you all xx

We've made it 9 months in...

We're still going at nine months.

Its really been hard especially the distance...

We're organizing a tourist visa to for 3months because I need to know him more face to face. He's organizing funds for the visa and flight all on his own which is great! To date, haven't sent him a single dollar and he's keeping in contact through Skype as often as he can.

He's been really down lately and just not himself over the last few weeks though...

He went out drinking the other weekend and lost his phone. A very common thing that happens with Fijians so just a heads up, they don't hold their alcohol too well and don't have a sense of when to stop from what I've seen. Luckily I had some of his families numbers so I could get in touch with him.

It's starting to get rocky again to be honest but isn't that what happens in relationships?

Contact has picked up a lot since my last post. We message usually about 5 times a day each way. And Skype about 2 times a week for about an hour each time. Lately I've been calling him a few times a day because I found a cheap prepaid plan.

For all of u that are wondering, GT Mobile is really great to call Fiji from Australia! 16c a min and 29c flagfall! Cheapest I've found and u an order the sim card and recharge online.

Getting back to it... I spoke to him the day after his big night out and he sounded so depressed and started saying things like 'I have no life' and 'your too good for me'. Not sure why he would say that but he's been really down so I'm just trying to make sense of it all and figure out what's going on...

He said he really needs me during this time so I've been calling extra, checking in on him and just trying to keep him positive. I called his family members too and asked them to keep an eye out if he's really down for support. I'm worried about him...

Anyway, over the last few days the tone ive gotten from him has been short and not really wanting to talk for long after that initial conversation regardless of my expressing my care for him and letting him know im there for him and being as supportive as I can given there's an ocean between us.

Till tonight I didn't even think of unfaithfulness because most nights I speak with him he's at work or at home and we connect. Today he hasnt really wanted to talk. Called about 3 times for about 2mins each because we just wouldn't be talking then he'd ask if I could call back later which is fair enough.

Tonight though... I called and he was at a pool hall I think but he said somthing else... Anyway what he said didn't add up. When I called to say goodnight I asked if he was at work or at home and he just paused... Then he said he was sleeping at a friends place... We just both paused and in the brief silence there was tension. He softened his words from the last few days shortness and asked me to call him in the morning... There was no 'goodnight' or 'i love you' that we usually say at the end of our conversations then it hit me... I felt like he was cheating on me then and there...

He said he wants to Skype with me tomorrow but he can't because he has no money. I think for the first time ever he's hinting at me to send some but I'm worried he might just go buy alcohol with it given his state of mind at the moment...

I'm really confused and leaning towards not continuing with the relationship. But then i tell myself That im commited and need to stick By him through tough times too...

He's seeming a emotionally unstable and won't talk much about it do I understand what he's going through... I'm worried that when and if he still comes to Aus what will happen... He's strong. I'm scared that if he's unstable and there's issues I don't know about that I'll be stuck in a big mess without having anyway out...

In saying that, I love him and want to help him through this. I want this to work but I don't know much about how I can help him or do more than I am.

As the for the unfaithfulness, I don't even know if it's there or not and probably never will... Do I trust my instincts or am I over thinking this?

I'm uncertain if the relationship will be even in the giving and taking...

I need a little food for thought. Let me know what you all think.

Vinanka

6 months in...

Ok... SO we've past the 6 month mark and he's back over in Fiji... Not a good thing for us really... He's busy with everyone there and I'm working over here... the communication seems to be breaking down. It kind of feels like it's 'out of sight, out of mind'. We Skype every now and again and text here and there. Communication is no longer every day and I've been going through a lot lately... It's really hard. When you're going through the hard things life throws at you, you think that your partner will be there to support you through it all. Not necessarily physically there but none the less, you can feel their presence... Maybe this isn't a real relationship any more... Maybe I'm just too scared to be on my own... but i am on my own... just not officially... If he wants to be with me and really loves me, would he let communication just die down like that? I've stopped trying... No more effort, just going through the motions, sometimes I wake up and it's a brand new day... sometimes I wake up and its like all the troubles come flooding into my mind before i've even opened my eyes. I feel like I invested so much of me into this and that i have invested enough into my friendships since I came back from overseas... Everyone's too bsuy and I just sit here letting life fly by only took look back at yesterday and think, 'What on earth am I doing?' I feel like I can't let him go because I have harldy anyone left.

Are women with my thoughts the type that men from these foreign paradises prey on? i believe I am, somewhere inside me, a good person with good values, maybe too niaeve and too emotionally scattered... I spoke to someone not too long ago and they told me, the way to know if he's serious is to see how long he sticks around. If he's not really in love with you then he can't fake that investment for very long. He'll get distracted and move on.' Maybe this is whats happening? I don't know. My mind doesn't have enough energy to think about these things any more. I'll get a little thought then just move on... Will post again in the next few days and update on things that've changed...

Aussie Woman... Fijian Man...

Hi everyone...

I'm in need of you opinions...

Just wondering if any of you western ladies experienced your fijian man talking about starting a family and working hard to build a life with you. Unfortunately I seem too often to be a little niave.

Me and my Fijian man are the same age (Mid 20's) and have been together 6 months so far. He has had the opportunity to come and study in Oz since we met in Fiji... I stayed there for 6months...

In Fiji he spent money to come and see me... He doesn't seem lazy as he had a job that paid minimal though... He doesn't smoke or drink kava often as he's very into fittness and rugby... loves drinking alcohol with the boys though but not very often.... one night he went out drinking and he answered the phone when he was out at a club then realised the next morning i was upset because he didn't call me back that night like he said he would (lost his phone)... He called at least 70 times from varioous numbers but i didn't answer for a long while...

I haven't made things easy for him emotionally when I was there but he still stuck around and we got through it... Now that he's in Oz (different state though) and we've been talking about him coming here for longer periods for us to get to know each other properly.

At first he was talking about wanting to raise his family in Fiji... his kids experiencing the simple things... I don't know if this is genuine or true... anyway, i've kept things quiet about our relationship from family and only my nearest and dearest know about the relationship. Even then i can't fully express myself because of how they might think of him or their influence on my decisions... because I want to be convinced of it first...

I had my doubts but I let them slide and relied on God to make that decision for me on wether he was genuine... If he isn't then i hope God takes him away from me because I don't know how much strength i'd have when it comes tio the crunch... I am an overweight girl and he's quite athletic... I've let him know that if he wants a rich girl then he's picked the wrong person... I live on my own and have debt which he now knows about in full... He offered to eventually find work and help me pay it off but i decluned and said for him to save to pay for him coming over is better... his father is in the US but not a citizen yet... He sends him money too...

I stayed in Fiji for quite some time and know a lot about Fijian culture and gender roles, etc... I haven't spent much on him so he gets used to looking after himself. When he came to visit me in Fiji he would pay for transport to my place and I'd cover food and expenses for anything we did... I did most of the calling... In Oz, I did most of the calling too and paid for his flights to come see me... we had a little fight about that and he buys his own credit now.. hopefully he will pay for his next flight...

We were talking about him coming on a holiday visa to the same city as me... talk extended to fiance visa... i was sort of angry when he mentioned this... we spoke about being together for the long term before and i let him know that we'd have to be together at least 2 years before getting engaged... then a year later marriage if things are working out... i think that amount of time is good to really get to know someone... but in the same city at least...

We were just friends at the beginning and spoke over the phone for about 6 weeks before he expressed how he felt for me... he came at a time when i needed a friend and i was a little vulnerable... i had to push him to express how he felt though...

i don't know what to think and feel about him anymore... we talk at least 5 times a day so im hoping that means that there's no one else... We haven't had sex as I'm saving it for marriage and he know's this and is ok with it... he's still stuck around... We talk first thing in the morning, a few times throughout our day and for a long while before sleeping... Sometimes we'll sleep on the phone together...

Does this seem like one of the relationships where he only wants to come to australia?? He also has the opportunity for a potential rugby sponsorship...

Am I being blinded that i can't see reality??

Your oppinions would be much appreciated..

Vinaka Vakalevu!